Grief During the Holidays

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy—bright lights, warm gatherings, familiar traditions. But for those who are grieving, this time of year can feel painfully out of step with the world around them. When someone you love is missing, the holidays don’t just arrive with decorations and music; they arrive with memories, expectations, and an ache that feels heavier than usual.

Grief has a way of becoming louder during the holidays. Empty chairs at the table are harder to ignore. Traditions that once brought comfort can now bring tears. Even simple moments—hearing a familiar song, unwrapping ornaments, passing a favorite store—can stir waves of emotion that feel sudden and overwhelming.

There is no “right” way to grieve during the holidays. Some people want to keep every tradition exactly the same, holding tightly to what feels familiar. Others need to change everything, or step back entirely. Both choices—and everything in between—are valid. Grief is deeply personal, and it does not follow a seasonal schedule.

It’s also okay if joy and sorrow exist at the same time. You might laugh at a memory and cry moments later. You might feel gratitude for the people around you while still longing for the one who isn’t there. These mixed emotions don’t cancel each other out; they simply reflect the depth of love that remains.
If you’re grieving, give yourself permission to set boundaries. You don’t have to attend every gathering, explain your feelings, or “be festive” for anyone else’s comfort. Rest when you need to. Say no when you need to. Choose what feels gentlest for your heart.
Some people find comfort in honoring their loved one during the holidays—lighting a candle, sharing a story, making a favorite recipe, or creating a quiet moment of remembrance. These acts don’t make the grief disappear, but they can make space for connection and meaning.

If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, your presence matters more than your words. You don’t have to fix anything. Simply acknowledging their loss, saying their loved one’s name, and allowing them to feel whatever comes up can be a powerful gift.
The holidays will not always feel this heavy. Grief changes over time, even if it never fully leaves. For now, take each day as it comes. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. And remember that feeling deeply during the holidays is not a sign of weakness—it is a reflection of love that still lives on.